Review: The HAMMER Filesystem

Normal operating systems need a file system. Although Hammer OS is no way normal, and a file system is not a requirement, providing a file system would allow Hammer OS to reach more specialised customers.

When we discovered The HAMMER Filesystem, we hoped that it would be a match made in a Wrecking Yard.

The HAMMER Filesystem has, sadly, let us down. Let’s explore the reasons why.

No actual hammers in sight — only bugsDragonFly Bug Splatter Distribution
The HAMMER Filesystem doesn’t have a logo, and it’s made for an operating system named after a hovering, water-obsessed, compound-eyed insect — DragonFlyBSD.  A heavy, blunt weapon-file system for a squishy, invertebrate-operating system. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense how the two can mix without the insect part coming out significantly flatter.

The only possibility we can think of is that the HAMMER Filesystem is intended to stamp out all the bugs in DragonFlyBSD, but I don’t think that’s how file systems really work.

Designed for large storage media
The HAMMER Filesystem needs large media, and at first we really liked this feature. Hammer OS is versatile, but large scale installations are where we really have the most impact — especially with big hammers. Big HAMMER Filesystem would need a Big Hammer OS install, and things just seemed so perfect.

When they cautioned the user against putting the HAMMER Filesystem on partitions smaller that 40Gb, we were ecstatic. But when we noticed a mention of “historic data retention,” we began to despair. Historic data retention isn’t compatible with Hammer OS’s philosophy of simplifying technology. The more info you store up in these massive file systems, with exhaustive redundancy, the more you have to lose when catastrophic failure strikes, taking that redundancy with it in one foul swooping pan-continental nuclear disaster.

That’s no good at all, just waiting on tenter hooks for the data-loss catastrophe to hit. Better to take control and destroy secure all your data on your own terms, with Hammer OS.

Conclusion
The HAMMER Filesystem is a misnomer. There are no hammers anywhere, and it doesn’t even behave in the way one would expect a hammer to.

If you are looking for reliability and data retention, stray only to the HAMMER Filesystem-side if you want endless anxiety that nuclear war and the subsequent loss of civilisation will destroy all your precious data.

If you want a worry-free existence, even in the case of Armageddon, look no further than Hammer OS for your data storage needs.

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5 Responses to “Review: The HAMMER Filesystem”

  1. [...] filesystem, meet Hammer OS.  Please don’t take this seriously. Categories DragonFly, Hammer «More Summer [...]

  2. You should adopt The Breeders “Divine Hammer” for your OS’s campaign.

    BTW, I LOVE this OS. I installed on fire alarm. It kept going off in the middle of the night for no reason. Once I had Hammer OS installed, the problem disappeared! YEAH Hammer OS!

    • Interesting. We are sure to use that music if we ever produce a television advertisement.

      As you’ve seen through your own experience with the fire alarm, Hammer OS makes everything better.

  3. Indeed. I have been wanting to install it on some of the traffic lights here in town. Not sure if I will have enough access to do it though. :)

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