The example of Hammer OS in operation is present under #5. Expect One More Person for Dinner

It is rare that I discover items related to Hammer OS unless I am specifically trawling through the dark and murky pools of the Internet for such content.

This is why I was pleased to find this fresh installation of the versatile operating system at Cracked.com. Some may argue that Cracked.com isn’t exactly purified water, but it is nothing like some of the cesspits I’ve had the misfortune to stumble into. 

Cracked.com don’t explicitly mention Hammer OS in the article, but they are so explicit about everything else that I’m sure they felt a little subtlety might make a nice change.

When we discovered The HAMMER Filesystem, we hoped that it would be a match made in a Wrecking Yard.

The HAMMER Filesystem has, sadly, let us down. Let’s explore the reasons why.

No actual hammers in sight — only bugs
The HAMMER Filesystem doesn’t have a logo, and it’s made for an operating system named after a hovering, water-obsessed, compound-eyed insect — DragonFlyBSD.  A heavy, blunt weapon-file system for a squishy, invertebrate-operating system. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense how the two can mix without the insect part coming out significantly flatter.

The only possibility we can think of is that the HAMMER Filesystem is intended to stamp out all the bugs in DragonFlyBSD, but I don’t think that’s how file systems really work.

Designed for large storage media
The HAMMER Filesystem needs large media, and at first we really liked this feature. Hammer OS is versatile, but large scale installations are where we really have the most impact — especially with big hammers. Big HAMMER Filesystem would need a Big Hammer OS install, and things just seemed so perfect.

When they cautioned the user against putting the HAMMER Filesystem on partitions smaller that 40Gb, we were ecstatic. But when we noticed a mention of “historic data retention,” we began to despair. Historic data retention isn’t compatible with Hammer OS’s philosophy of simplifying technology. The more info you store up in these massive file systems, with exhaustive redundancy, the more you have to lose when catastrophic failure strikes, taking that redundancy with it in one foul swooping pan-continental nuclear disaster.

That’s no good at all, just waiting on tenter hooks for the data-loss catastrophe to hit. Better to take control and destroy secure all your data on your own terms, with Hammer OS.

Conclusion
The HAMMER Filesystem is a misnomer. There are no hammers anywhere, and it doesn’t even behave in the way one would expect a hammer to.

If you are looking for reliability and data retention, stray only to the HAMMER Filesystem-side if you want endless anxiety that nuclear war and the subsequent loss of civilisation will destroy all your precious data.

If you want a worry-free existence, even in the case of Armageddon, look no further than Hammer OS for your data storage needs.

Eskom, the national electricity provider, has problems meeting the country’s electrical demand. They’ve started investing heavily in building new power stations, but it’s going to take a while before the supply catches up with demand.

Until then, there will be many power outages, and power outages are a thing that South Africans get very charged up about.

Avoid all the frustration of losing electrical power unexpectedly. Install Hammer OS, and never let another power failure take you by surprise again.

Just install Hammer OS on every electrical appliance in your home or business. Hammer OS requires absolutely no electrical power. In fact, once you’ve installed Hammer OS, we recommend you keep appliances away from live wires due to the potential fire hazard.

Once everything is running Hammer OS you’ll never suffer from downtime again as you learn to function as productively as your ancestors did before the industrial revolution.

Once again Hammer OS helps us survive adversity, even when we think things are at their very worse!

The comic to the left illustrates what you should do when confronted by alien beings/demons intent on destroying the earth.

Most planet plundering entities support Hammer OS!

Hammer OS Chuck has a huge... hammer

Not just anyone can become a HOCSE. It takes dedication, determination, and life-long commitment.

To date, there is only one person who has what it takes. His name is Dave Pahl or, as we here at Hammer OS corporate headquarters like to call him, Hammer OS Chuck.

This man has installed Hammer OS on more objects than we have names for, and he has a specialised hammer for almost every single one of those items.

If you are struggling to install Hammer OS on something, unlikely as that may be, talk to Hammer OS Chuck. If he doesn’t have the right hammer to install the customised version of Hammer OS you need, then it can’t be done.

The only way to stop fraudsters stealing information from old computer hard drives is by destroying them completely, a study has found.

The most straightforward solution, according to Which?, is complete destruction – and it recommends using a hammer.

Sounds like they recommend installing Hammer OS. Hammer OS is clearly the operating system of choice for data security. Data so secure no-one can access it — not even you!

Gas guzzler no more! (From gwhatchet.com)

Although more complicated than standard installations of Hammer OS, a motor vehicle installation has clear financial benefits. In this harsh economic climate, everyone is looking for some way to save money.

Carrying out a full installation of Hammer OS on your car will reduce your fuel consumption by 100%. That’s absolutely right! You’ll never have to put petrol or diesel into your car — ever again!

But that’s not all!

Once you’ve completed the full installation of Hammer OS, your car is guaranteed to be a write-off. That means your insurance company will pay you out for your “loss.” Just make sure they believe that someone else installed everyone’s favourite percussionary operating system on your car.

So, not only do you save on fuel, Hammer OS (with the cooperation of your insurance company) provides you with free bus or train fare!

Hammer OS, simplifying technology (and travel) once again!

Windows RG has almost the same feature set, but a much stronger trademark than Hammer OS!

• 1 x hammer
• 1 x chocolate easter bunny
• 1 x installation surface

We expect the Badger Breaker to, quite literally, stamp out the competition.